Living to live! – Online Intergroup of Alcoholics Anonymous

Living to live!

My sober journey began July 26th, 2023 when I drove to a rehab center to enroll into outpatient treatment. I had an appointment with them to get my file started and set up for the next 12 months of recovery. It was the day I stopped drinking. After nearly 2 hours I was in the system, had my classes scheduled and returned home. I was miserable physically on top of that and needless to say, everyone I met with that day was gravely worried about me because of a clear physical illness I needed to take care of right away.

I had jaundice all over my body, was very skinny, and a badly distended abdomen looking more than 9 month’s pregnant. At first I thought it would go away when I quit drinking but on the 8th day, there was no change at all. There’s nothing I could do aside from lay on my sides because when I moved around or stood there was so much discomfort in my abdomen. My eyes and entire body was still jaundice so I went to the hospital to figure out what’s going on. I was admitted for 4 days. At my arrival I had made it 8 days without drinking. Several bloodwork samples were sent to lab, a urine specimen, vitals and an ultrasound to check my gallbladder along with my liver. Thankfully I didn’t have any form of hepatitis but I did have pretty bad liver damage considering I drank 12-14 whiskey air plane shooters every day for 2 years in a row. That’s when things started to go downhill in terms of my energy, isolation, wasting away instead of enjoying life and my kids. I never got drunk, and rarely even got “tipsy” I just drank too much and too often all day long every day. My memories started fading away, I put off important things, wasn’t present with my kids even though I was there and still tended to dinner, baths, playing, watching movies but wasn’t myself. My depression started to really stand out to me but I chose I can handle it. I’m 36 and still have many years ahead of me before I need to worry and by then I’ll for sure be off the booze. Yea, sure. That was a lie I told myself and believed but was poorly mistaken.

I had almost 13 pounds of fluid drained from my abdomen, took several IV antibiotic treatments, take 3 medications (still so) and maintain a low sodium diet eating fresh fruits & veggies, lots of water and home cooked meals. Absolutely zero processed meals and no takeout. I fully immersed myself in Faith when I got home. The first couple days were a little tough because I was weak but by the end of the week I already felt the most energy I’ve had in a while, I could finally eat and still have a nice appetite to this day while before I would eat maybe once a day taking only a couple bites at a time before I felt really full.

It made me sad that I was bed ridden for nearly a month. I watched everyone walk around with ease not going through something like I was. I realized I was killing myself. Life sent flashes of how I could be enjoying time fishing on a boat, hunting, collecting firewood, enjoying everything about nature while having my kiddos tag along and learn with me also appreciating all that nature has to offer. As a single mother, I’ve got to be there considering their dad doesn’t try to be a part of of their lives. So it’s up to me to be sober, healthy, and fully present. Which is why I’ve committed myself to be active in my treatment program where I live, my church community, and AA. Time to truly live life to the fullest!